i adore thin people. i have had artistic periods painting skeletons or very thin people. i adore the bony backs of thin people or thin legs. i do not thinks it is healthy or very beatiful, but i sure as hell want to be almost too thin. it is not a condition, its a way of life. the right way. as long as i loose the weight slowly, so my brain gets used to the decreasing amount of nutrition and fat in my body so it do not mess up my life, because right now school and my education is the most important thing. i have to learn a lot and earn good grades at school in order to have good aspects for my future. i do not want to sit on my ass on the couch and be unsatisfied with my career. that is something that will never happen in my life, ill make sure it wont. but after i have taken my exams ill maybe take a year off to travel oruond the world. id like that a lot. and then, i can loose weight. i want to be pretty skinny. or i do not want to be skinny, i just want to be skinnyER, and get used to not eating so much. humans eat a hell of lot more than they need. just looking out my window i see overweight people walking their dogs without a single concern about anything - their face expression tels it. i do not want to be that way. that year, or that time of my life, i also want to be a vegetarian. i am against the meat industry as it is today, and therefore - and of course of the fact that red meat is very unhealthy for our bodies if we eat it every day our whole lives, i will only eat vegetables and fruits, and maybe eggs and fish just to get enough protein. the reason that i am not a vegarian now, is because i am too young now, i still need a lot of nutrition. i am still in my puberty and i am not fully grown yet either. so ill wait a bit longer before i start the action.
i am really lokking forward to loose weight. i am not that superficial that i care so much about looks and weight. i just want to be thinner and have a great plan how to do it: i am going to eat healthier, and exercise more. not starving myself, never. i love myself and apreshiate life enough to not harm myself and go crazy and start starving myself. i am so sick of people walking around with their pro-ana rules written on the back of their arm always counting calories and crying when they took two slices of cucumber instead of one half. stupidity. i am just saing i want to live in the moment, exercise and focus on what i am eating for a period and become a bit thinner. nothing wrong with self dicipline i presume?
as for now i eat very healthy, according to my friends i am like a self consiousness, the "i-always-eat-up-all-myvegetables"-type. i never drink cola or any other kind of dishwater like soda propped full with sugar and preservers. i almost never eat chocolate or any other kind of sweets. i bake cakes a lot, i have one small piece just not to make people think i am on a diet. i do it beacause i love watching other people eating unhealthy food. i do not know why. maybe it is beacause i like watching all the unhealthy food i do not eat getting eaten by other, not getting wasted or thrown in the garbage. i am not sure. i just love seing someome cheing on a nice big piece of chocolate or caramel pudding, or anything! exept my family though. i cant stand listening to my mother, father and brother chewing at all. sometimes it gets so irritating i have to leave dinner and run away, eat the rest later, turn on the radio, sing to my self or laugh out loudly. i have thoose moments too.
i know that based on what i am writing a phsycolgist or a doctor could easily diagnose me with anorexia or some kind of eating disorder. but i am aware of it, trust me. i am smarter than other girl, at least some of them. the anorexia ones, i mean. i am not going to let food distroy my life, and take over my whole destiny. i am jst going to take advandage of my own will and use it to be the person i want to be.
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