nothing's sweet about me. yeah.

that last post was a sort of ingress or something. i have to open myself a bit, i think. get you guys to know me. ok.. (note to self: be anonymous)
some facts you should know:
i am 15 years old, a girl, blond, live in norway. like basiqilly, as they say.
i listen to every genre of music there is.
i paint picures and i am a fairly goodly drawer.
i play piano, and am currently in a trio with two of my friends, piano (me), a saxophone and a violin.
i love the french language.
i am a big fan of the idea of mixing human races, i am myself a mix of chech and norwegian. in breeding: die!!
i do not care about materialistic things. i could live without a dime, poor as hell as long as i could still listen to my music and be with my freinds. just so you know: the brag about my friends is beacause of the fact that "me having friends" havent been for such a long time. now as i have friends, i try to spend as much time with them as i can, both because i want to stay friends with them and the fact that i hate being homw, listening to my parents arguing and screaming at each other. i'll end up cutting myself again.

at primary school i was not popular at all. at first i had a lot of friends, i am normal, despite everything. its just that humans are animals, we hate the persons that are better than ourselves. i am not stupid, so naturally some people had something against me.. it also helped the situation that i did not atend handball with the other girls. i went skiing instead, and became the third wheel. but after all i managed to get friends, i am pretty nice to people. i have been outside of the circle myself, so i am openminded to people that are outside themselves. they are always, i asure you, always much cooler than the popular people. bottom line: i am not outside the "circle of trust" or whatever, i just like the fact that i am on the edge. as always i am on the edge of something.

as time goes by, i get older, i think more, also thanks to my puberty, i think A LOT. about everything. really, a lot about a lot too. filosophy, all the things about life and politics, the society and how the world really is. i am young, yes, and pretty unexperienced, but i wonder..

thats mainly the reason i am pretty depressed. as mentioned: i cut myself, i starve myself and i hit myself. as i wonder about life and everything i feel like i shouldn bother trying with all the shit that is unevitable in life. but i also feel i shoul, i dont know.. live like a dog or something. live in the moment. not dealing with problems i dont have yet, and worrying about something that havent happened. i should stop caring about everyone else, and just be myself. so why is that so fucking hard to do then? jeez...

maybe you know a bit more about me, i atleast hope you do. i will ofcourse continue with blogging, and maybe some day i can look back and laugh about the time i was really lost. or maybe i can print this out and publish a book i will get some award for. but the only award i want is the uppertunity to just live my life.